Forty Years Fat Is Enough! part 6

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…


“Help! I’m falling back into my old habits. You know, eating whatever, whenever… I have GOT to STOP this.” I type as I sit at Panera Bread wiping the gooey egg yolk from my fingers and brushing away the crumbs from the brioche bun that have fallen onto my keyboard. “I’ll do better tomorrow.”


These past few weeks have been a struggle. I don’t know why, I was doing so well. Strike that. I do know why. Because I am not trying. I am doing what I’ve always done. Which is lying to myself. “Oh, eat that. It’s okay. You’ll go back to your plan tomorrow.” If only that were true. I never go back to my plan tomorrow. Because tomorrow never comes. Rinse and repeat. To infinity.


Why, when I know this about myself do I continue to believe it will be different? I started out so well. I’ve lost nearly 25 pounds. I’ve lost many inches. I’ve gone down sizes in clothing. I FEEL GOOD! But that’s not going to stay that way for long if I don’t get back on track. And stay there. Seriously, this is not a diet but the way to eat for life.

I am not totally off track. But I’ve indulged in so much bread these past few weeks. And sugar. My willpower has been pretty much nonexistent. And that’s on me. I know I can do this because I had been doing this. I let myself slip and, well, downhill and alla that…


It’s like that damn diet coke. I gave it up for ten long months. TEN MONTHS of NO diet coke. I drank a lot of tea. Drank water. Allowed myself some diet 7up occasionally. But once I had one, there was no going back. Oh, I’ll just have one in the morning I told myself. Well, maybe another in the afternoon. Another after dinner wouldn’t hurt… Yeah, for me with diet coke it’s all or nothing apparently. As long as I wasn’t have any, I was okay. But once I had one, well their stock went up let me tell ya. But I’ll do better tomorrow.


So, I’m sitting here psyching myself up to do this thing. To eat like I know I should. And to stop this diet coke obsession. To stop making excuses. To stop justifying what I am doing to myself. To stop telling myself it’s okay today, I’ll do better tomorrow.




Forty Years Fat Is Enough! part 5

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

Lesson Learned!

Weight Loss Goals. That is why I am following this program and trying to change the foods I eat. As well as to be healthier, feel better and look better. But, weight loss. Yeah.

Detox and Reduce Inflammation. Those are the main things eating like this is supposed to tackle. (And by “eating like this” I mean eating the way I should…) The weight loss is a wonderful side effect of eating right… But seriously, does cutting out sugar and bread and dairy make that big of a difference? To my joints? I am overweight. My body hurts. Of course it does. When I sit for a while then get up, my knees and my hips scream at me. Sometimes my ankles too. That’s par for the course when you have all that extra weight silly girl, right?

But, listen. I want to tell you something… I started this plan back the first of June. I have lost weight. I have felt good. Even better than good. My joints were NOT achy. After sitting, I’d get up and move and not groan. My knee hasn’t been a bother while walking, biking, or doing yoga. It’s been a great feeling! Until…

These past couple of weeks I’ve been out of town off and on. I didn’t plan too well so I was off my plan somewhat. I ate more sugar. I ate bread. Then more sugar. And bread. All. The. Bread. And this is what I noticed over the past weekend…

Ouch.  All the grumbling. My joints ached. Getting up after sitting for a while caused all sorts of groaning, moaning and well, what else rhymes with groaning? Yes, all the pain. What in my life has changed? Have I stopped moving around? Am I letting my old bones and muscles just hang out and do nothing? No, I’m still doing all the same things. I’ve maintained what I’ve lost so far. The ONLY thing that has been different is my diet. Sugar and bread crept back into my life when I got lazy while traveling. This was more than just the occasional cheat I might sneak in. This was me eating foods I hadn’t been eating and thinking oh, well, some bad choice days spread out over a couple of weeks is not going to make a difference. It’s not going to hurt anything.

Lie!  It did hurt something. It hurt ME! I hurt myself! No one to blame but me and my lack of planning and my poor choices. What have I learned from these past two weeks? Inflammation and toxins are REAL! Staying away from sugar and bread make all the difference. All. The. Difference.

I’m totally back on plan today and my joints are all jumping for joy.

And it doesn’t hurt…


Forty Years Fat Is Enough! part 4

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

Eating like you should IS NOT EASY!

No, it’s not easy. Not for me. I like convenience. I’m also not much of a planner. I’m out and about most days and would just grab whatever was easy when hungry. You know that means going thru the drive-thru…  Eating the way you should means you need to do some planning.  You need to make better choices. Good choices. You have the power! Will you use that power for good or for evil? I choose good!

About a month has passed since you last heard from me. What is going on you ask? Still following your plan you ask? The short answer:  I’m trying to!  I’ve said goodbye to 20 pounds and some 17+ inches from various places in two months. Have I been perfect following my plan? Moi? No. I think that is impossible. But I have no complaints and I’m not too hard on myself.  Nobody’s perfect after all.  Like I mentioned above:  eating like you should IS NOT EASY…but it does get easier!

This past month I went on vacation. I was gone for 10 days enjoying the beach and then a couple of days in New Orleans.  I strived to follow my plan for the most part while gone. Did I eat things I now try to avoid? Pizza? Well, perhaps a slice.  (have I mentioned I love pizza?) Key Lime pie? Come on, I was AT THE BEACH. Chips while hanging out on the beach reading? Surprisingly, not a lot (small pat on the back). Fruity rum deliciousness in tall iced glasses? Again, I was AT THE BEACH. Did I visit Café du Monde while in NOLA and eat some beignets?  No, I did not eat SOME, but I did eat ONE.  But, seriously, I made my choices and I’m okay with what I did. Did I overdo? No. Did I go crazy? No. Did I gain weight? NO! I learned I can treat myself OCCASIONALLY just a LITTLE and not gain weight. Of course, right now I don’t want to maintain I want to lose. Which means straying from my plan is not something I should be doing. And I won’t, I promise (please remember, though, I am not perfect.) It is comforting to know I can fall off a bit and not spiral down like I have in the past. This is not a diet, it is a lifestyle choice and one that must be practiced a lifetime!

Oh, by the way… that Chic-O-Stick is STILL sitting in my cabinet.  I am ignoring it LIKE A BOSS! chickostickNOPE



Forty Years Fat is Enough! part 3

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

Sugar is THE DEVIL!

What the hell am I doing?  I’m usually not much of a sugar craving kind of person. Bread, chips, more bread, more chips, hot rolls fresh out of the oven dripping with melted butter kind of person.  But I’ve been craving the sugary stuff.  The Chick-O-Stick? It’s still in the cabinet. Mocking me.  Taunting its peanut buttery coconut sweet goodness. I’m still the boss of it. So far. But Red Diamond Splenda sweetened tea?  It still owns me. I know that’s fake sugar, not real stuff, but I’m supposed to stay away from that devil stuff too.  So far it owns me. And those 5 animal crackers I ate while watching the grandgirls last night. And the three Hershey’s Kisses I’ve had over this past week.  And a few diet cokes. I went off Diet Coke last July 2 and went like 10 months without any. None. Zip. Nada. But these last couple months? I’ve slowly had a few. Oh, nothing like the drive-thru McDonald’s 10 times a day (slight exaggeration) for a large cold one, but a few times a week.  I know, I know, having the fake sugar is causing me to crave the real stuff. I know!  I know what to do, why can’t I just do it? Just Do It! Nike you suck, shut TF up. I’m sorry, that is the sugar craving talking while I sit here and enjoy a big ol’ glass of unsweet tea and think about Splenda.  And Chick-O-Sticks.

Okay, sugar rant over.  New week coming up let’s see if we can do better.

Forty Years Fat is Enough! part 2

My Journey Begins

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

So, what am I doing about it?  I have started a program to detox and reduce inflammation… but another happy result is weight loss.  I’m not going to go into all the details here; basically, I’ll be eating clean. Like I should. No sugar, artificial sweeteners, no bread, potatoes, corn… I have a list of food I can choose from.  Lots of veggies, fruits, beef, chicken, fish.  I’d say 1000-1200 calories a day.  It’s really doable I just have to be committed and disciplined. And realize it’s really a way of life, not a diet. The way I should be eating.  I’ve been doing pretty damn good since beginning June 1 if I do say so myself. Is it easy? No. Not because there isn’t enough food to eat or choose from, but the foods I want are not on the list.  I must make the changes to achieve what I want! And not just for a week. Or a month. Or a few months. Or a year. FOR LIFE! And I mean that as a measure of time and as opposed to death… yeah!

To borrow from Nike: Just Do It! Every. Damn. Day.

Have I cheated? Well, let’s just say I haven’t been perfect. That’s not something I’ll ever be. Trust me on this. But, my cheating hasn’t consisted of eating chips or bread or chocolate. No, my cheating has been Splenda tea.  Red Diamond already sweetened with Splenda tea.  Not cheating would be making my own tea and using stevia drops to sweeten. Is that going to hurt my weight loss? Probably not. Detox? Definitely.  I’ll get there. Just not today.  I haven’t had bread in 14 days. That’s huge for me! Haven’t had any heartburn in 14 days either. Coincidence? I think not.  I recently realized bread gave me heartburn. My beloved bread! When I abstained from bread? BOOM! No heartburn.

What have I noticed these past 14 days?  Well, as of this morning, 10 pounds gone. I know that’s not going to continue at the same rate, but it’s sure a nice jump start to get me excited.  What else have I noticed? I’ve noticed when I get up after sitting for a while I just get up and go. None of this groaning as I get started. Most likely due to less inflammation. What do I have to say about that? Amazing!

Am I exercising? I try to walk a couple of miles most days, and on the weekends I bike with my DH (that’s darling husband) 12-18 miles on Saturday or Sunday or both days if feeling adventurous and get up early enough before it’s 200 degrees outside. (that might be a bit of an exaggeration on the temp, but not by much)

My worst times seem to be at night after 8:00. That’s when I want something to eat that I should not have. In my cabinet is a Chick-O-Stick I bought last month. Saw it in grocery checkout lane. Used to eat those when I was kid—you know, like last month— it calls to me “Hey Shir, come take a bite. You know you want to. Just eat me and get it over with…”  Sure, I could just throw it away and shut its stupid mouth for good, but it’s a war now. He’s going to have to sit in that cabinet forever…

Who’s the boss now???


Up next:

My Journey Continues



Forty Years Fat is Enough!

You go back to doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to get what you’ve always got. And that, my friends, is FAT.

A Little Background

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

I will be 60 years old next March. S.I.X.T.Y.  How is this possible? Well, I guess because I am still living, duh. Forty years ago, when I was 19, I had a melanoma removed from my lower left leg. At the time I wasn’t so worried. Skin cancer. No big deal. Well, as we all know now, melanoma IS a big deal and I was very lucky indeed. In the hospital for a nasty sinus infection the doctor checked me out and noticed what he deemed a suspicious mole on my lower leg. So he removed it and sent in for pathology. This removal resulted in a cut about an inch long and stitched afterwards. Not anything you’d eventually notice. Well, the pathology came back with malignant superficial melanoma if I’m remembering correctly. Superficial he said as it was growing more along the surface and not downward. Yet. So more was removed and I was left with a rather large 4 inch by 5 inch indented oval. The area was left with no feeling since pretty much skin, nerves, etc. were removed. The good news is all surrounding area tested was okay. And now it’s been 40 years and I’m still here. Thanks be to God. I don’t go into all this to blame that stupid melanoma on my 40 years of fat. That’s just a marker for when it started.

On a more joyous note, that is also the year I was engaged to marry my high school sweetheart. We had been dating off and on since 1975 when we were a junior (me) and senior (him) in high school. The melanoma was in April of 1978 and the engagement was in August.

I’d always been pretty much what you would call thin. At 5’8” tall I graduated high school at about 115 pounds wearing a size 5 white sundress. Yep, I was pretty darn skinny. Probably even too skinny. Hard to believe I ate so much junk and was that thin. Being in the high school band pretty much guaranteed a lot of exercise every day, though, which kept us an award-winning marching band my entire high school career.

I graduated in 1977 and followed my high school sweetheart to college. He had already completed a year and made my transition from high school to college easy. I put on a few pounds, as most people tend to do in college, but 125 looked good on me.  It was my second semester, spring 1978, I had to miss several weeks with at first a sinus infection and then dealing with the melanoma. I had to drop a class but finished the semester.  That summer I joined my boyfriend working at a theme park near our school. It was in August that we became engaged. I returned to college for fall 1978 and the spring 1979 semester then moved back home went to work and set about planning our wedding for June.

We were married in June 1979 and spent the summer in our hometown. We returned to college so my husband could finish his last semester. We lived on campus for the rest of that year. I became pregnant in August, expecting our first child in May of 1980, just one week shy of our first anniversary.  This was when I began my 40 years of fat…

We were blessed with three wonderful children. During my pregnancies, I thought I had free rein to eat whatever and however much I desired. Too bad I didn’t make healthier choices. I gained approximately 40 pounds with each child while only losing 20 of that after giving birth. That’s where the bulk of my extra weight came from. That’s 60 pounds right there. Each year I’d gain a few more. When you see you’ve gained a few pounds one year you kind of pooh-pooh it away. What’re 5 pounds? That’s nothing. Well, multiply that by 10 years and that’s another 50 pounds.  So it’s easy to see in hindsight where this extra 100 pounds came from.


Yes, I’ve tried dieting over the years. Every year. Nothing sticks. I always go back to my unhealthy eating habits. I’m not a very stick-with-it kind of person. I want results quickly. I want to lose that weight then I want to be able to eat whatever I want. However much I want. Whenever I want. And still maintain that healthy weight. Yeah, right. You go back to doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to get what you’ve always got. And that, my friends, is FAT.

Every time I decide it is “the time” to do this, I would start out well whether it was WeightWatchers, Jenny Craig, the latest weight loss diet book, etc. etc. Then I would cheat a little. I’d tell myself that that one little bit won’t matter. I’ll get right back on track tomorrow. Then tomorrow. Then the next day. And so on to infinity. Until I just did whatever again without any thought. You know the drill. I’ll start again on Monday or on the first day of the next month or on January 1. Rinse and repeat.


So, what is different this time? I am starting a new journey which I hope will be just what I need! And what is it I need? I need to eat healthily. Eat clean. Make good choices. Stick with it. I need to know that this is a lifestyle. Not a diet that when finished I go back to whatever the hell I want. I want to be healthy. I want to feel good. I want to enjoy my grandchildren! It’s not that I feel bad now, but I KNOW that is coming if I don’t make the changes. And make those changes my B-I-T-C-H yes, I am in charge!

Hopefully blogging about this will help keep me on track and give me an outlet for my thoughts as I begin this journey. Because, seriously, FORTY YEARS FAT IS ENOUGH!

Up next:

My Journey Begins





Sassenach Without A Phone

Last night at the end of a wonderful evening my phone shut off, battery depleted.  Okay, so just maybe I overdid it on the selfies and the tweets.  No problem, it was midnight when we got home and finally time to watch the newest episode of Outlander.  No phone required! Technological distractions for that are most unwelcome anyways.  So, I plugged it in and escaped to 1743 Scotland.

Fast forward a few hours and it’s time to head to the water park for a day of floating, reading, writing, relaxing, Facebook and Twitter surfing.  After all, it is imperative that I see any new pictures of JAMMF or any discussion of last night’s Outlander episode as soon as possible throughout my sundrenched day.  I go to grab my iPhone and see it is still not charged despite being plugged in for 8 hours.  I start sweating profusely and tell myself to calm down.  CALM DOWN!   I tried different outlets, wriggling the cord, using a different cord.  Dead.  My phone will not charge.  WHAT. THE. BLUIDY. HELL. *insert Scottish noise*

I stop banging my head on the granite countertop when Lord D steps into the kitchen. “Sassenach,” he says in that deep, rumbling Scots brogue, “ye can take my phone.” He slowly reaches those big, work-roughened hands into the folds of his kilt and pulls out a Motorola razor phone circa 2005.  “Ye need not be scairt, not so long as it’s with ye.”

Okay, so it didn’t really go down like that, but my fellow Outlander and Heughligan peeps understand my temporary lapse here.

In all seriousness, though, a razor? All that thing can do is make phone calls.  Oh, and text if you have the patience to press each key 1 to 3 times per LETTER in your message.  I think it might take pictures. Not really sure.  No data plan, No social media.  I mean really, what is the point?  Seriously, what can it do?

“I’ll tell you what it can do Lassie,” he says quietly, “it can hold a charge…”


Diet Coke, I Miss you!

Diet Coke Deprivation: Day 3
Yes, you read that right. Those of you who know me are no doubt shaking your head and saying “no way!” I assure you it is true. I’ve got the nearly empty bottle of Advil to prove it… Can you say headache?

Let’s rewind a couple of days. Ah, those glorious days of the never ending diet coke… It was a normal Monday. You know, one where I frequent McD’s for a large diet coke (light ice) for 99 cents. Several times a day. I spend my time in between drive through visits reading Dr. Seuss, watching Dinosaur Train, and posting on Facebook. Dr. Seuss? No, that is not a typo. Anyways, diet coke pretty much flows through my veins. True story. I remember my first like it was yesterday. No more Tab for me! The introduction of diet coke in 1982 made it the absolute best year ever! Wait, I mean my daughter being born in 1982 made it the best year ever with diet coke a close second… (sorry Jen). So, for 31 years now I’ve probably not gone too many days without diet coke. Even when visiting London, Scotland and Ireland. I had no ice, but by god I had diet coke or coca cola light as it is called in the UK… Anyways, I digress. Yes, for 31 years I’ve pretty much had diet coke daily. You don’t have to tell me that’s not good. I know this. But do I care? Apparently not. Which brings me to the why of my deprivation…

I blame Facebook. Isn’t Facebook the root of all evil? Yeah. I created a Facebook page (‘cause I wasn’t wasting enough time having just one profile…) but this one will be used to promote any writing I do. (Good luck with writing when you’re not drinking diet coke–you really thought that one through SJ.) My page had 51 likes so as a challenge I shared the link to my page and said for every additional 10 likes I’ll go without diet coke for a day. That afternoon I received 30+ more likes. So, three days without diet coke. I can do that.

Day 1 wasn’t too bad. I had tea. I sipped water. Water is something everyone should drink more of! I’m such a slacker there. But hey, when I’m not constantly guzzling that bubbly, caffeinated liquid ambrosia, I have to make do with something. Tea and water. I can do this.

Day 2 still doing okay. I hit McD’s a couple of times for their iced tea. It just fits in my hand so nicely and I find I need that. My hands were getting twitchy.

Day 3 (today) has been a struggle. I’ve had 8-10 cups of water and at least that much tea. And Advil. For my headache. You’d think with the tea I’m downing I would not get that lack of caffeine headache. But I think my diet coke consumption was still twice what I drink in tea and water so caffeine saturation has probably been cut in half… At the zoo today I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I looked at the diet coke nozzle, unused on the soda machine, as I filled my cup with lemonade. Lemonfreakinade! Later as I was standing with my granddaughter looking at the elephants I overheard some of the visitors asking people near us if that was the elephants making that pitiful noise they could hear while they were over at the tiger exhibit. I looked up and saw them shaking their heads, glancing nervously at me and quickly look away, but not before I saw the fear in their eyes. Then I heard them whisper, “no, it was that red-headed lady.”

All I could think about the entire afternoon was how wonderful that large diet coke was going to taste first thing in the morning. I’m going to make it! I busied myself with a little cleaning, sipping water all the while. Sitting down to relax and read a bit, I picked up the iPad to check Facebook real quick. It’d been an hour after all. That could be some kind of record by the way… I’m shocked at the notifications I see staring at me. My page has garnered quite a few more likes. What. The. Hell???? Now, last I looked, I’m up another 69 likes. That’s SIX MORE DAYS OF NO DIET COKE! Almost seven! I’m telling you now; you better dump your stock in Coca Cola. A friend posted on my timeline a link to a news article from today showing a decline in soda sales for Coca Cola and PepsiCo. He does not think it a coincidence… Bryant you may be correct.

Tomorrow, Friday, is Day 4. The weekend coming up presents even more challenges. My Captain Morgan will sit on the counter, mocking me. Cap’n Morgan and tea? Uhm I think not… Looks like a margarita and Advil filled weekend for me. Somebody might want to check on the husband this weekend…

“The god’s chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!” You tell ‘em, Percy!

Creative Aspirations

button bling picked up at RT13 for inspiration
some of my button bling picked up at RT13 for inspiration

I spent a few days this past week in Kansas City at the RT Convention Writers Bootcamp. Amazing! I met so many wonderful people. Published authors of books I love as well as new ones I’m sure I will soon love. I also met aspiring authors (like myself) who are just learning this craft. Wow! There is so much to know and learn! I am suffering a bit of information overload, but in a good way.

I enjoy reading romance. Historical romance, paranormal romance, contemporary romance *whispers* some light erotica romance. It has been my desire for a while now to write a book and tell a story that I hope others will enjoy. This was my first step (among many to be sure) in helping me along that journey.

If you read a lot, you may think to yourself, hey why don’t I write a book? I’ll bet I could do this! Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. It’s NOT easy. Not easy at all. For me anyways. Nor for most authors I met and talked with this past week. Or for those wonderful author friends I have made over the past year or two through the internet. It is a lot of work. A LOT of work! I found this out quickly when I sat down a while back and tried to get the ideas and thoughts for my story from my head onto paper. Not an easy task… Truth be told, a monumental task. But it can be done! I have a healthy respect for all those authors out there who consistently provide us readers with the wonderful stories we so love to lose ourselves in. May you all never run out of caffeine!

So, what am I going to do with all this newfound information? Well, I am going to work on my character’s GMCs (goals, motivations and conflicts—yeah some of that information swimming around in my head now) and work on telling you Jace and Kalli’s (short for Kalliope) story. It may take a while, a looooong while, but hey, I’ve got the time… Am I scared? Yes, scared shitless. How’s that for descriptive?

(Please pardon the overuse of exclamation points… I may have used up my allotment) *shrugs*

Stay tuned…