Forty Years Fat Is Enough! part 6

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…


“Help! I’m falling back into my old habits. You know, eating whatever, whenever… I have GOT to STOP this.” I type as I sit at Panera Bread wiping the gooey egg yolk from my fingers and brushing away the crumbs from the brioche bun that have fallen onto my keyboard. “I’ll do better tomorrow.”


These past few weeks have been a struggle. I don’t know why, I was doing so well. Strike that. I do know why. Because I am not trying. I am doing what I’ve always done. Which is lying to myself. “Oh, eat that. It’s okay. You’ll go back to your plan tomorrow.” If only that were true. I never go back to my plan tomorrow. Because tomorrow never comes. Rinse and repeat. To infinity.


Why, when I know this about myself do I continue to believe it will be different? I started out so well. I’ve lost nearly 25 pounds. I’ve lost many inches. I’ve gone down sizes in clothing. I FEEL GOOD! But that’s not going to stay that way for long if I don’t get back on track. And stay there. Seriously, this is not a diet but the way to eat for life.

I am not totally off track. But I’ve indulged in so much bread these past few weeks. And sugar. My willpower has been pretty much nonexistent. And that’s on me. I know I can do this because I had been doing this. I let myself slip and, well, downhill and alla that…


It’s like that damn diet coke. I gave it up for ten long months. TEN MONTHS of NO diet coke. I drank a lot of tea. Drank water. Allowed myself some diet 7up occasionally. But once I had one, there was no going back. Oh, I’ll just have one in the morning I told myself. Well, maybe another in the afternoon. Another after dinner wouldn’t hurt… Yeah, for me with diet coke it’s all or nothing apparently. As long as I wasn’t have any, I was okay. But once I had one, well their stock went up let me tell ya. But I’ll do better tomorrow.


So, I’m sitting here psyching myself up to do this thing. To eat like I know I should. And to stop this diet coke obsession. To stop making excuses. To stop justifying what I am doing to myself. To stop telling myself it’s okay today, I’ll do better tomorrow.




Forty Years Fat is Enough! part 3

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

Sugar is THE DEVIL!

What the hell am I doing?  I’m usually not much of a sugar craving kind of person. Bread, chips, more bread, more chips, hot rolls fresh out of the oven dripping with melted butter kind of person.  But I’ve been craving the sugary stuff.  The Chick-O-Stick? It’s still in the cabinet. Mocking me.  Taunting its peanut buttery coconut sweet goodness. I’m still the boss of it. So far. But Red Diamond Splenda sweetened tea?  It still owns me. I know that’s fake sugar, not real stuff, but I’m supposed to stay away from that devil stuff too.  So far it owns me. And those 5 animal crackers I ate while watching the grandgirls last night. And the three Hershey’s Kisses I’ve had over this past week.  And a few diet cokes. I went off Diet Coke last July 2 and went like 10 months without any. None. Zip. Nada. But these last couple months? I’ve slowly had a few. Oh, nothing like the drive-thru McDonald’s 10 times a day (slight exaggeration) for a large cold one, but a few times a week.  I know, I know, having the fake sugar is causing me to crave the real stuff. I know!  I know what to do, why can’t I just do it? Just Do It! Nike you suck, shut TF up. I’m sorry, that is the sugar craving talking while I sit here and enjoy a big ol’ glass of unsweet tea and think about Splenda.  And Chick-O-Sticks.

Okay, sugar rant over.  New week coming up let’s see if we can do better.

What is your heart wearing?

A recent conversation with a friend has me pondering how we dress for church. Apparently she was confronted with her clothing choice and made to feel bad about how she looked. Seriously? Is what we wear to church the focus of other peoples’ attention? Is that why you attend services? To see what others are wearing? Are you offended by those who aren’t “dressed to the nines” for worship on Sunday morning? Wow, I think you might be focused on the wrong thing. I am sure my clothing choices would offend you. My normal attire for Mass on Sunday is jeans. Nice jeans, but jeans nonetheless. I have to be honest here; I really don’t notice what others are wearing. I am looking around, mind you, but at the people around me, their cute little babies that are taking it all with wide-eyed innocence, the younger kids who are poking each other while their parents try and shush them. It all makes me smile. Beautiful people! What are they wearing? Damn if I know…

I am what I am, not what I wear. I don’t dress to impress (quite obvious to those who know me) and my style is quite casual. Others have great style and dress beautifully. Always, whether at church or at the grocery store. That is how they are and they are beautiful! Well, I am beautiful too, just casually so.

We’re certainly all different on the outside there is no denying, and how we dress and accessorize ourselves highlights this. But on the inside? We are all the same. So, what one wears in their heart is another matter. Far more important if you ask me. I try and keep my heart “dressed to the nines” and hope that that is what people see. I know that is what God sees.

What is your heart wearing?

Diet Coke, I Miss you!

Diet Coke Deprivation: Day 3
Yes, you read that right. Those of you who know me are no doubt shaking your head and saying “no way!” I assure you it is true. I’ve got the nearly empty bottle of Advil to prove it… Can you say headache?

Let’s rewind a couple of days. Ah, those glorious days of the never ending diet coke… It was a normal Monday. You know, one where I frequent McD’s for a large diet coke (light ice) for 99 cents. Several times a day. I spend my time in between drive through visits reading Dr. Seuss, watching Dinosaur Train, and posting on Facebook. Dr. Seuss? No, that is not a typo. Anyways, diet coke pretty much flows through my veins. True story. I remember my first like it was yesterday. No more Tab for me! The introduction of diet coke in 1982 made it the absolute best year ever! Wait, I mean my daughter being born in 1982 made it the best year ever with diet coke a close second… (sorry Jen). So, for 31 years now I’ve probably not gone too many days without diet coke. Even when visiting London, Scotland and Ireland. I had no ice, but by god I had diet coke or coca cola light as it is called in the UK… Anyways, I digress. Yes, for 31 years I’ve pretty much had diet coke daily. You don’t have to tell me that’s not good. I know this. But do I care? Apparently not. Which brings me to the why of my deprivation…

I blame Facebook. Isn’t Facebook the root of all evil? Yeah. I created a Facebook page (‘cause I wasn’t wasting enough time having just one profile…) but this one will be used to promote any writing I do. (Good luck with writing when you’re not drinking diet coke–you really thought that one through SJ.) My page had 51 likes so as a challenge I shared the link to my page and said for every additional 10 likes I’ll go without diet coke for a day. That afternoon I received 30+ more likes. So, three days without diet coke. I can do that.

Day 1 wasn’t too bad. I had tea. I sipped water. Water is something everyone should drink more of! I’m such a slacker there. But hey, when I’m not constantly guzzling that bubbly, caffeinated liquid ambrosia, I have to make do with something. Tea and water. I can do this.

Day 2 still doing okay. I hit McD’s a couple of times for their iced tea. It just fits in my hand so nicely and I find I need that. My hands were getting twitchy.

Day 3 (today) has been a struggle. I’ve had 8-10 cups of water and at least that much tea. And Advil. For my headache. You’d think with the tea I’m downing I would not get that lack of caffeine headache. But I think my diet coke consumption was still twice what I drink in tea and water so caffeine saturation has probably been cut in half… At the zoo today I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I looked at the diet coke nozzle, unused on the soda machine, as I filled my cup with lemonade. Lemonfreakinade! Later as I was standing with my granddaughter looking at the elephants I overheard some of the visitors asking people near us if that was the elephants making that pitiful noise they could hear while they were over at the tiger exhibit. I looked up and saw them shaking their heads, glancing nervously at me and quickly look away, but not before I saw the fear in their eyes. Then I heard them whisper, “no, it was that red-headed lady.”

All I could think about the entire afternoon was how wonderful that large diet coke was going to taste first thing in the morning. I’m going to make it! I busied myself with a little cleaning, sipping water all the while. Sitting down to relax and read a bit, I picked up the iPad to check Facebook real quick. It’d been an hour after all. That could be some kind of record by the way… I’m shocked at the notifications I see staring at me. My page has garnered quite a few more likes. What. The. Hell???? Now, last I looked, I’m up another 69 likes. That’s SIX MORE DAYS OF NO DIET COKE! Almost seven! I’m telling you now; you better dump your stock in Coca Cola. A friend posted on my timeline a link to a news article from today showing a decline in soda sales for Coca Cola and PepsiCo. He does not think it a coincidence… Bryant you may be correct.

Tomorrow, Friday, is Day 4. The weekend coming up presents even more challenges. My Captain Morgan will sit on the counter, mocking me. Cap’n Morgan and tea? Uhm I think not… Looks like a margarita and Advil filled weekend for me. Somebody might want to check on the husband this weekend…

“The god’s chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!” You tell ‘em, Percy!

Creative Aspirations

button bling picked up at RT13 for inspiration
some of my button bling picked up at RT13 for inspiration

I spent a few days this past week in Kansas City at the RT Convention Writers Bootcamp. Amazing! I met so many wonderful people. Published authors of books I love as well as new ones I’m sure I will soon love. I also met aspiring authors (like myself) who are just learning this craft. Wow! There is so much to know and learn! I am suffering a bit of information overload, but in a good way.

I enjoy reading romance. Historical romance, paranormal romance, contemporary romance *whispers* some light erotica romance. It has been my desire for a while now to write a book and tell a story that I hope others will enjoy. This was my first step (among many to be sure) in helping me along that journey.

If you read a lot, you may think to yourself, hey why don’t I write a book? I’ll bet I could do this! Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. It’s NOT easy. Not easy at all. For me anyways. Nor for most authors I met and talked with this past week. Or for those wonderful author friends I have made over the past year or two through the internet. It is a lot of work. A LOT of work! I found this out quickly when I sat down a while back and tried to get the ideas and thoughts for my story from my head onto paper. Not an easy task… Truth be told, a monumental task. But it can be done! I have a healthy respect for all those authors out there who consistently provide us readers with the wonderful stories we so love to lose ourselves in. May you all never run out of caffeine!

So, what am I going to do with all this newfound information? Well, I am going to work on my character’s GMCs (goals, motivations and conflicts—yeah some of that information swimming around in my head now) and work on telling you Jace and Kalli’s (short for Kalliope) story. It may take a while, a looooong while, but hey, I’ve got the time… Am I scared? Yes, scared shitless. How’s that for descriptive?

(Please pardon the overuse of exclamation points… I may have used up my allotment) *shrugs*

Stay tuned…