Forty Years Fat Is Enough! part 6

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

DO BETTER TODAY

“Help! I’m falling back into my old habits. You know, eating whatever, whenever… I have GOT to STOP this.” I type as I sit at Panera Bread wiping the gooey egg yolk from my fingers and brushing away the crumbs from the brioche bun that have fallen onto my keyboard. “I’ll do better tomorrow.”

DO BETTER TODAY

These past few weeks have been a struggle. I don’t know why, I was doing so well. Strike that. I do know why. Because I am not trying. I am doing what I’ve always done. Which is lying to myself. “Oh, eat that. It’s okay. You’ll go back to your plan tomorrow.” If only that were true. I never go back to my plan tomorrow. Because tomorrow never comes. Rinse and repeat. To infinity.

DO BETTER TODAY

Why, when I know this about myself do I continue to believe it will be different? I started out so well. I’ve lost nearly 25 pounds. I’ve lost many inches. I’ve gone down sizes in clothing. I FEEL GOOD! But that’s not going to stay that way for long if I don’t get back on track. And stay there. Seriously, this is not a diet but the way to eat for life.

I am not totally off track. But I’ve indulged in so much bread these past few weeks. And sugar. My willpower has been pretty much nonexistent. And that’s on me. I know I can do this because I had been doing this. I let myself slip and, well, downhill and alla that…

DO BETTER TODAY

It’s like that damn diet coke. I gave it up for ten long months. TEN MONTHS of NO diet coke. I drank a lot of tea. Drank water. Allowed myself some diet 7up occasionally. But once I had one, there was no going back. Oh, I’ll just have one in the morning I told myself. Well, maybe another in the afternoon. Another after dinner wouldn’t hurt… Yeah, for me with diet coke it’s all or nothing apparently. As long as I wasn’t have any, I was okay. But once I had one, well their stock went up let me tell ya. But I’ll do better tomorrow.

DO BETTER TODAY

So, I’m sitting here psyching myself up to do this thing. To eat like I know I should. And to stop this diet coke obsession. To stop making excuses. To stop justifying what I am doing to myself. To stop telling myself it’s okay today, I’ll do better tomorrow.

DO BETTER TODAY

 

 

Forty Years Fat Is Enough! part 5

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

Lesson Learned!

Weight Loss Goals. That is why I am following this program and trying to change the foods I eat. As well as to be healthier, feel better and look better. But, weight loss. Yeah.

Detox and Reduce Inflammation. Those are the main things eating like this is supposed to tackle. (And by “eating like this” I mean eating the way I should…) The weight loss is a wonderful side effect of eating right… But seriously, does cutting out sugar and bread and dairy make that big of a difference? To my joints? I am overweight. My body hurts. Of course it does. When I sit for a while then get up, my knees and my hips scream at me. Sometimes my ankles too. That’s par for the course when you have all that extra weight silly girl, right?

But, listen. I want to tell you something… I started this plan back the first of June. I have lost weight. I have felt good. Even better than good. My joints were NOT achy. After sitting, I’d get up and move and not groan. My knee hasn’t been a bother while walking, biking, or doing yoga. It’s been a great feeling! Until…

These past couple of weeks I’ve been out of town off and on. I didn’t plan too well so I was off my plan somewhat. I ate more sugar. I ate bread. Then more sugar. And bread. All. The. Bread. And this is what I noticed over the past weekend…

Ouch.  All the grumbling. My joints ached. Getting up after sitting for a while caused all sorts of groaning, moaning and well, what else rhymes with groaning? Yes, all the pain. What in my life has changed? Have I stopped moving around? Am I letting my old bones and muscles just hang out and do nothing? No, I’m still doing all the same things. I’ve maintained what I’ve lost so far. The ONLY thing that has been different is my diet. Sugar and bread crept back into my life when I got lazy while traveling. This was more than just the occasional cheat I might sneak in. This was me eating foods I hadn’t been eating and thinking oh, well, some bad choice days spread out over a couple of weeks is not going to make a difference. It’s not going to hurt anything.

Lie!  It did hurt something. It hurt ME! I hurt myself! No one to blame but me and my lack of planning and my poor choices. What have I learned from these past two weeks? Inflammation and toxins are REAL! Staying away from sugar and bread make all the difference. All. The. Difference.

I’m totally back on plan today and my joints are all jumping for joy.

And it doesn’t hurt…

 

Forty Years Fat Is Enough! part 4

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

Eating like you should IS NOT EASY!

No, it’s not easy. Not for me. I like convenience. I’m also not much of a planner. I’m out and about most days and would just grab whatever was easy when hungry. You know that means going thru the drive-thru…  Eating the way you should means you need to do some planning.  You need to make better choices. Good choices. You have the power! Will you use that power for good or for evil? I choose good!

About a month has passed since you last heard from me. What is going on you ask? Still following your plan you ask? The short answer:  I’m trying to!  I’ve said goodbye to 20 pounds and some 17+ inches from various places in two months. Have I been perfect following my plan? Moi? No. I think that is impossible. But I have no complaints and I’m not too hard on myself.  Nobody’s perfect after all.  Like I mentioned above:  eating like you should IS NOT EASY…but it does get easier!

This past month I went on vacation. I was gone for 10 days enjoying the beach and then a couple of days in New Orleans.  I strived to follow my plan for the most part while gone. Did I eat things I now try to avoid? Pizza? Well, perhaps a slice.  (have I mentioned I love pizza?) Key Lime pie? Come on, I was AT THE BEACH. Chips while hanging out on the beach reading? Surprisingly, not a lot (small pat on the back). Fruity rum deliciousness in tall iced glasses? Again, I was AT THE BEACH. Did I visit Café du Monde while in NOLA and eat some beignets?  No, I did not eat SOME, but I did eat ONE.  But, seriously, I made my choices and I’m okay with what I did. Did I overdo? No. Did I go crazy? No. Did I gain weight? NO! I learned I can treat myself OCCASIONALLY just a LITTLE and not gain weight. Of course, right now I don’t want to maintain I want to lose. Which means straying from my plan is not something I should be doing. And I won’t, I promise (please remember, though, I am not perfect.) It is comforting to know I can fall off a bit and not spiral down like I have in the past. This is not a diet, it is a lifestyle choice and one that must be practiced a lifetime!

Oh, by the way… that Chic-O-Stick is STILL sitting in my cabinet.  I am ignoring it LIKE A BOSS! chickostickNOPE

 

 

Forty Years Fat is Enough! part 3

My Journey Continues

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

Sugar is THE DEVIL!

What the hell am I doing?  I’m usually not much of a sugar craving kind of person. Bread, chips, more bread, more chips, hot rolls fresh out of the oven dripping with melted butter kind of person.  But I’ve been craving the sugary stuff.  The Chick-O-Stick? It’s still in the cabinet. Mocking me.  Taunting its peanut buttery coconut sweet goodness. I’m still the boss of it. So far. But Red Diamond Splenda sweetened tea?  It still owns me. I know that’s fake sugar, not real stuff, but I’m supposed to stay away from that devil stuff too.  So far it owns me. And those 5 animal crackers I ate while watching the grandgirls last night. And the three Hershey’s Kisses I’ve had over this past week.  And a few diet cokes. I went off Diet Coke last July 2 and went like 10 months without any. None. Zip. Nada. But these last couple months? I’ve slowly had a few. Oh, nothing like the drive-thru McDonald’s 10 times a day (slight exaggeration) for a large cold one, but a few times a week.  I know, I know, having the fake sugar is causing me to crave the real stuff. I know!  I know what to do, why can’t I just do it? Just Do It! Nike you suck, shut TF up. I’m sorry, that is the sugar craving talking while I sit here and enjoy a big ol’ glass of unsweet tea and think about Splenda.  And Chick-O-Sticks.

Okay, sugar rant over.  New week coming up let’s see if we can do better.

Forty Years Fat is Enough! part 2

My Journey Begins

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

So, what am I doing about it?  I have started a program to detox and reduce inflammation… but another happy result is weight loss.  I’m not going to go into all the details here; basically, I’ll be eating clean. Like I should. No sugar, artificial sweeteners, no bread, potatoes, corn… I have a list of food I can choose from.  Lots of veggies, fruits, beef, chicken, fish.  I’d say 1000-1200 calories a day.  It’s really doable I just have to be committed and disciplined. And realize it’s really a way of life, not a diet. The way I should be eating.  I’ve been doing pretty damn good since beginning June 1 if I do say so myself. Is it easy? No. Not because there isn’t enough food to eat or choose from, but the foods I want are not on the list.  I must make the changes to achieve what I want! And not just for a week. Or a month. Or a few months. Or a year. FOR LIFE! And I mean that as a measure of time and as opposed to death… yeah!

To borrow from Nike: Just Do It! Every. Damn. Day.

Have I cheated? Well, let’s just say I haven’t been perfect. That’s not something I’ll ever be. Trust me on this. But, my cheating hasn’t consisted of eating chips or bread or chocolate. No, my cheating has been Splenda tea.  Red Diamond already sweetened with Splenda tea.  Not cheating would be making my own tea and using stevia drops to sweeten. Is that going to hurt my weight loss? Probably not. Detox? Definitely.  I’ll get there. Just not today.  I haven’t had bread in 14 days. That’s huge for me! Haven’t had any heartburn in 14 days either. Coincidence? I think not.  I recently realized bread gave me heartburn. My beloved bread! When I abstained from bread? BOOM! No heartburn.

What have I noticed these past 14 days?  Well, as of this morning, 10 pounds gone. I know that’s not going to continue at the same rate, but it’s sure a nice jump start to get me excited.  What else have I noticed? I’ve noticed when I get up after sitting for a while I just get up and go. None of this groaning as I get started. Most likely due to less inflammation. What do I have to say about that? Amazing!

Am I exercising? I try to walk a couple of miles most days, and on the weekends I bike with my DH (that’s darling husband) 12-18 miles on Saturday or Sunday or both days if feeling adventurous and get up early enough before it’s 200 degrees outside. (that might be a bit of an exaggeration on the temp, but not by much)

My worst times seem to be at night after 8:00. That’s when I want something to eat that I should not have. In my cabinet is a Chick-O-Stick I bought last month. Saw it in grocery checkout lane. Used to eat those when I was kid—you know, like last month— it calls to me “Hey Shir, come take a bite. You know you want to. Just eat me and get it over with…”  Sure, I could just throw it away and shut its stupid mouth for good, but it’s a war now. He’s going to have to sit in that cabinet forever…

Who’s the boss now???

chickostickNOPE

Up next:

My Journey Continues

 

 

Forty Years Fat is Enough!

You go back to doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to get what you’ve always got. And that, my friends, is FAT.

A Little Background

Raw and Unedited–Kinda like my life…

I will be 60 years old next March. S.I.X.T.Y.  How is this possible? Well, I guess because I am still living, duh. Forty years ago, when I was 19, I had a melanoma removed from my lower left leg. At the time I wasn’t so worried. Skin cancer. No big deal. Well, as we all know now, melanoma IS a big deal and I was very lucky indeed. In the hospital for a nasty sinus infection the doctor checked me out and noticed what he deemed a suspicious mole on my lower leg. So he removed it and sent in for pathology. This removal resulted in a cut about an inch long and stitched afterwards. Not anything you’d eventually notice. Well, the pathology came back with malignant superficial melanoma if I’m remembering correctly. Superficial he said as it was growing more along the surface and not downward. Yet. So more was removed and I was left with a rather large 4 inch by 5 inch indented oval. The area was left with no feeling since pretty much skin, nerves, etc. were removed. The good news is all surrounding area tested was okay. And now it’s been 40 years and I’m still here. Thanks be to God. I don’t go into all this to blame that stupid melanoma on my 40 years of fat. That’s just a marker for when it started.

On a more joyous note, that is also the year I was engaged to marry my high school sweetheart. We had been dating off and on since 1975 when we were a junior (me) and senior (him) in high school. The melanoma was in April of 1978 and the engagement was in August.

I’d always been pretty much what you would call thin. At 5’8” tall I graduated high school at about 115 pounds wearing a size 5 white sundress. Yep, I was pretty darn skinny. Probably even too skinny. Hard to believe I ate so much junk and was that thin. Being in the high school band pretty much guaranteed a lot of exercise every day, though, which kept us an award-winning marching band my entire high school career.

I graduated in 1977 and followed my high school sweetheart to college. He had already completed a year and made my transition from high school to college easy. I put on a few pounds, as most people tend to do in college, but 125 looked good on me.  It was my second semester, spring 1978, I had to miss several weeks with at first a sinus infection and then dealing with the melanoma. I had to drop a class but finished the semester.  That summer I joined my boyfriend working at a theme park near our school. It was in August that we became engaged. I returned to college for fall 1978 and the spring 1979 semester then moved back home went to work and set about planning our wedding for June.

We were married in June 1979 and spent the summer in our hometown. We returned to college so my husband could finish his last semester. We lived on campus for the rest of that year. I became pregnant in August, expecting our first child in May of 1980, just one week shy of our first anniversary.  This was when I began my 40 years of fat…

We were blessed with three wonderful children. During my pregnancies, I thought I had free rein to eat whatever and however much I desired. Too bad I didn’t make healthier choices. I gained approximately 40 pounds with each child while only losing 20 of that after giving birth. That’s where the bulk of my extra weight came from. That’s 60 pounds right there. Each year I’d gain a few more. When you see you’ve gained a few pounds one year you kind of pooh-pooh it away. What’re 5 pounds? That’s nothing. Well, multiply that by 10 years and that’s another 50 pounds.  So it’s easy to see in hindsight where this extra 100 pounds came from.

FORTY YEARS FAT IS ENOUGH!!!

Yes, I’ve tried dieting over the years. Every year. Nothing sticks. I always go back to my unhealthy eating habits. I’m not a very stick-with-it kind of person. I want results quickly. I want to lose that weight then I want to be able to eat whatever I want. However much I want. Whenever I want. And still maintain that healthy weight. Yeah, right. You go back to doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to get what you’ve always got. And that, my friends, is FAT.

Every time I decide it is “the time” to do this, I would start out well whether it was WeightWatchers, Jenny Craig, the latest weight loss diet book, etc. etc. Then I would cheat a little. I’d tell myself that that one little bit won’t matter. I’ll get right back on track tomorrow. Then tomorrow. Then the next day. And so on to infinity. Until I just did whatever again without any thought. You know the drill. I’ll start again on Monday or on the first day of the next month or on January 1. Rinse and repeat.

FORTY YEARS FAT IS ENOUGH!

So, what is different this time? I am starting a new journey which I hope will be just what I need! And what is it I need? I need to eat healthily. Eat clean. Make good choices. Stick with it. I need to know that this is a lifestyle. Not a diet that when finished I go back to whatever the hell I want. I want to be healthy. I want to feel good. I want to enjoy my grandchildren! It’s not that I feel bad now, but I KNOW that is coming if I don’t make the changes. And make those changes my B-I-T-C-H yes, I am in charge!

Hopefully blogging about this will help keep me on track and give me an outlet for my thoughts as I begin this journey. Because, seriously, FORTY YEARS FAT IS ENOUGH!

Up next:

My Journey Begins

 

 

 

 

In honor of My Dear Friend Kay

In honor of my dear friend Katherine Kay Welker Kahre

July 15, 1959-February 8, 2018

In honor of my dear friend, I posted a picture of the two of us on Facebook after she passed away last week.  A friend commented on my picture “dear friends are always in our hearts.” Kay and I have been connected for over 50 years. Since elementary school. Connected. Hearts connected in friendship. This led me to think about all our hearts being connected. Heartstrings.kayphotogrid Invisible heartstrings. There is a children’s book I am familiar with because my granddaughter came home from preschool a couple of years ago and explained to me in all her 4-year-old wisdom about the invisible heartstrings. She went on to explain how these strings tie all our hearts together and are held in heaven. If I miss her, I should pull on that invisible string and she will feel it and know I am thinking about her. What a wonderful concept. After a little investigation, I discovered her class had recently read “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst. The premise of the book “People who love each other are always connected by a very special String, made of love. Even though you can’t see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart, and know that you are always connected to the ones you love.” So I know Kay and I are, and always will be, connected by this invisible string.

That string is pretty darn tender and it hurts a little right now. That’s okay. That’s how I know it is still connected. Kay was the kind of friend who is always in your heart. Whether we’d seen each other just yesterday or not for quite a bit longer, we could always pick up right where we left off. No matter how long it had been since we’d seen each other. She was that friend who knew everything about me. The one I could absolutely be myself with. When we were together we were always laughing. Kay was always so full of joy. A beautiful, strong and caring woman.

That invisible string is going to be tender for a while. It’ll always be connected from Kay’s heart to mine and to all of those who were lucky enough to know her. Those we love and lose are always going to be connected by those invisible heartstrings. Eventually, it won’t hurt so badly when it’s pulled; it’ll bring plenty of smiles and not so many tears. Well, maybe tears of laughter.

As life-long friends we experienced a lot together; Kay was my Maid of Honor 39 years ago. She also provided the beautiful music for my daughter’s and then my son’s wedding. Kay’s voice was as beautiful as her loving heart. One thing best friends cannot experience together, though, is each other’s funeral. We had an agreement between us depending on how things went: She promised to sing at my funeral and in return she made me promise that I would NOT sing at hers. I can see her looking down with that closed mouth smirk of hers, both eyebrows lifting as she says to everyone: “You’re welcome.” She’s yanking on that invisible string right now and having a good laugh saying she didn’t want to offend anyone’s ears. I feel ya woman.

Kay’s laugh, the twinkle in her eyes, her joy, her love and kindness, her absolutely beautiful voice, those things I will always remember as well as her strong faith. While we are all mourning the loss of our dear friend, others in Heaven are rejoicing. For us, Easter season is just a few weeks away, but Kay is celebrating her own joyous Easter now.

I’m going to treasure each memory, each and every tug on that invisible string. Love ya girlie!

Meanest Mom in the World

To my darling daughter:

I am laughing as I re-read your text from this morning regarding your not quite 3-year-old daughter, my granddaughter. “She’s a crankypants this morning. Said she didn’t like me.” Makes me remember back to when I was the “meanest mother in the world” or sometimes the “worst mother in the world,” and you (or one of your brothers) didn’t like me. Yeah, I heard that often enough. I knew you (or your brothers) didn’t mean it. Well, maybe you DID mean it at the time, and for some time afterwards. But for whatever reason I was dubbed “meanest” or “worst” mother in the world you can bet it was because of something for your own good!

Now you are a mother yourself. And a damn fine one at that! I hope I had a little something to do with that. But know that anytime your children tell you they don’t like you or you are the worst mother ever, (and trust  me, they will) they don’t mean it (well, they won’t mean it for long). They love you, just as I have always known you love me. And now that you have a beautiful daughter yourself, one that you are filled with love and joy for, you perhaps have just a glimpse of how much I love you (and your brothers) and always will.  Enjoy every moment!

Sassenach Without A Phone

Last night at the end of a wonderful evening my phone shut off, battery depleted.  Okay, so just maybe I overdid it on the selfies and the tweets.  No problem, it was midnight when we got home and finally time to watch the newest episode of Outlander.  No phone required! Technological distractions for that are most unwelcome anyways.  So, I plugged it in and escaped to 1743 Scotland.

Fast forward a few hours and it’s time to head to the water park for a day of floating, reading, writing, relaxing, Facebook and Twitter surfing.  After all, it is imperative that I see any new pictures of JAMMF or any discussion of last night’s Outlander episode as soon as possible throughout my sundrenched day.  I go to grab my iPhone and see it is still not charged despite being plugged in for 8 hours.  I start sweating profusely and tell myself to calm down.  CALM DOWN!   I tried different outlets, wriggling the cord, using a different cord.  Dead.  My phone will not charge.  WHAT. THE. BLUIDY. HELL. *insert Scottish noise*

I stop banging my head on the granite countertop when Lord D steps into the kitchen. “Sassenach,” he says in that deep, rumbling Scots brogue, “ye can take my phone.” He slowly reaches those big, work-roughened hands into the folds of his kilt and pulls out a Motorola razor phone circa 2005.  “Ye need not be scairt, not so long as it’s with ye.”

Okay, so it didn’t really go down like that, but my fellow Outlander and Heughligan peeps understand my temporary lapse here.

In all seriousness, though, a razor? All that thing can do is make phone calls.  Oh, and text if you have the patience to press each key 1 to 3 times per LETTER in your message.  I think it might take pictures. Not really sure.  No data plan, No social media.  I mean really, what is the point?  Seriously, what can it do?

“I’ll tell you what it can do Lassie,” he says quietly, “it can hold a charge…”

Touché